Though they may never explicitly say as much, watch guys and gals tend to roughly agree upon the platonic ideal of a wristwatch: round case, not too big; legible dial in a neutral color, not too busy; a comfortable strap or metal bracelet, not too fancy. There are outliers, sure, but something like the Patek Philippe Calatrava — or even the Rolex Submariner, though this is a very different watch — fit the bill.
But what of fare that is distinctively, well…ugly? Does this have a place within the modern collector-sphere?
We would argue that it does.
And before you jump out of your skin at the notion of us hawking cheap fashion watches or pieces whose design seems devoid of thought or consideration, please hold your proverbial horses — this isn’t what we mean at all. Rather, we’re talking about neo-vintage timepieces from well-established brands whose design simply seems to be a bit…odd. Unconventional. Downright wonky. Positively preposterous…
Ugly. There — we said it.
Of course, "ugly" is in the eye of the beholder, and we’re not here to be arbiters of taste. But there are certain characteristics — ample use of two-tone; overuse of guilloché or similar surface treatment; profuse color; etc — that can simply read as strange. Or, at least far from the clean aesthetics that describe our aforementioned platonic ideal of a watch. But again, this doesn’t mean that these watches are somehow “less than.” On the contrary, we would argue that most of the great maisons have made “ugly watches” — especially during the neo-vintage era from the late 1980s through the early 2000s. As in fashion and music, this perhaps wasn’t the most standout era of wristwatch design from the past century. However, it was certainly an adventurous time, and this spirit is made manifest in numerous “ugly” watches.
Audemars Piguet Huitième Chronograph - SHOP HERE
Take the Huitième chronograph from Audemars Piguet, for example: machined from tantalum with pink gold accents, it’s an unquestionably unconventional piece, even from a risk-taking firm like AP. But that’s also why we love it. Rather than returning to more standard midcentury fare in the 1980s after a decade of Royal Oak production, the engineers at Le Brassus decided to make yet another left turn, fitting it with an ultra-thin automatic movement. Bravo, we say!
Gérald Genta Cjronograph - SHOP HERE
And what about the rose gold Gérald Genta chronograph ref. G3376.7? Being a Genta design, it’s no surprise that this thing is positively, ahem, adventurous. But the multi-stepped bezel, beaded crown, voluminous lume plots, and slab-sided case make it read like a sea creature, or perhaps a less common Pokémon. (A sea creature was, in fact, the inspiration for at least one famous Genta design.) For someone tired of more predictable, run-of-the-mill fare, the ref. G3376.7 is an ideal place to look.
Cartier Pasha Yellow Gold - SHOP HERE
Even Cartier, jeweler to kings, is far from foolproof in the looks department. Have you ever seen a late-1980s Pasha, for example? A 39mm execution in our current inventory is a case in point: with its 39mm yellow gold case, cabochon crown with retaining chain, rotating dive bezel, multi-link bracelet with ‘T’-bar lugs, and matte black dial with applied, stylized ‘Arabic’ indices skeletonized ‘sword’ hands, and 4:30 date window with cyclops magnifier, this thing is downright weird. In fact, it looks like it was designed at gunpoint by a reluctant committee — but that’s precisely what we love about it. The Tank is almost too perfect a watch…and this baby is its spiritual antithesis.
Patek Philippe Neptune - SHOP HERE
And no: Patek Philippe was not immune to this era of particularly eccentric pieces. Just get a load of the Neptune ref. 5080/1A, a ‘90s-era luxury sports watch in the mode of the Nautilus and Royal Oak. While the dial, it might be argued, would be conventionally handsome absent its large date window, the wide, scalloped bezel and integrated multi-link bracelet give it a character that is somewhat more…alien. Powered by the Patek Philippe Calibre 315 automatic movement, this is a spectacular (if overlooked) watch — even if it never receives the praise due to its more popular brethren with the greater Patek catalog.
We could go on. But we think a better approach would be to introduce you to our dedicated “Ugly Ones” collection. Here, we’ve curated a selection of some of the wackiest, wonkiest designs from the neo-vintage era, from titanium automotive chronographs to two-tone dress watches, from strange pilot’s watches in oddball colors to orange-dialed sports watches and more. No watch featured here is a “bad” watch — each is well constructed, produced by a notable manufacturer, and made from quality materials. But a daring lack of conformity to the traditional mores of horological design characterize them all…which is why we love them.
To try out and of these pieces in person, be sure to make an appointment with us to visit our New York City showroom, or feel free to drop us a line. We can’t wait to show you this strange assemblage of Ugly Watches!
